I've Been Hit by the Blogger Insecurities Fairy

Guys and Gals,

This post is going to be slightly personal, so I just want to thank those of you who take the time to read this. Please know that your thoughts and time are greatly appreciated.

A blog is a place for us to articulate our thoughts and get them out in the open for better or for worse. I'm going to create an almost open journal type situation with this post because I'm desperate and don't know what else to do.

For whatever reason lately, I'm experiencing a huge case of blogger insecurities.

I'm not really that insecure of a person in real life. I keep to myself because I choose to. I have a few friends that I can tell anything to (outside of the blogosphere) and many more that I simply can hang out with. I like things that way. However, when my first semester of college came it's like the entire world came crashing down. It was harder for me to find the time to blog, which is my escape from the world, and my "friends" weren't really friends. I also had terrible roommate troubles. Eventually, things worked out, though, and when this current semester rolled around I became really happy. I still am happy.

But whenever I get on my blog I get very upset really fast. I've become a really insecure blogger this semester and I don't know why.

This semester I only have three days of classes. Next semester I only have two. In other words...that's a lot of time to blog. So while I am only throwing up as many posts as I did last semester, I'm putting more care into them because I actually have the time to do so. I've read more in the past two months then I did the last four months of 2013 and have really been working towards my posts. It's been awesome, yet it hasn't.

There are two things that I've been struggling with a lot lately and that's my blog as a whole and then Twitter.

I feel as if my blog as a whole is just going downhill. It doesn't matter that I'm posting more well-thought out reviews then I have in the past as well as more discussions. It doesn't seem to matter that I've posted new features with College Blogging 101 and The Broadway Review. It just seems like none of it matters. And while I don't care about stats anymore, I genuinely care about those that I can help out and affect with my blog. I don't feel as if I've done that anymore. My comments and views have significantly gone down and whenever I log into Blogger to see that a post I was really excited about went up today, I find that my face falls almost immediately when I go to interact with my readers because a lot of the time there is nobody, if anyone, to interact with. It's killing me. I feel like I've been letting you guys down. And I just want to sit here sometimes and be like "what have I done to lose your interest?!" So I've found myself logging into Blogger less and less because it just...depresses me.

And I've found that I've been on Twitter less, too. I sort of find that I'm lost in conversations, not really answered or picked up on. I'm just sort of forgotten about, this entity that exists occasionally. I feel as if friends have been continuing to move on without me while I'm stuck in this huge blogging rut. I'm stationary and the world is zooming by me at a fast speed and, to make matters worse, I'm just inwardly panicking trying to figure out what I could do to make things better. Which, ironically, is just making things worse.

I'm trying to focus on the positive...I got a BEA Press Badge. I get to see a lot of my friends soon. Sad thing is, a lot of the people I'm excited to meet won't even read this post.

Yeah, it's sort of an ongoing circle of me just dragging myself down.

Which is why I'm writing this post. I'm just trying to deal with things, so to speak? Maybe if I get my insecurities out in the open it's going to be easier to get over them. Or maybe if I get these thoughts out in the open, any potential hiatuses I take in the future may be expected. I don't really know where this blog is going right now. I think that blogging gives me a place for me to create content that I enjoy and for others to enjoy. I'm not enjoying creating my own content because it seems like nobody else is either. Sucky, right?

So maybe a hiatus is what I need. Or a completely fresh start. Or maybe this is all in my head and I'm blowing something up because I'm floundering. I don't really know, nor do I know how to handle this situation anymore because I've never been anything short of proud of my blog before.

I want to enjoy blogging again, but how do I do that?

The answer is completely lost to me.

21 comments:

  1. Oh, Lili. *hugs* <3

    I was talking to Kara tonight, and our traffic has been down, too, even though we're unveiling posts we're really excited about. I think part of it is because the weather is starting to get warmer, so people are getting off their computers and going outdoors, and thus spending less time blogging and commenting.

    For my part, I just feel like this kind of thing happens with "old" bloggers. We've been around for so long and our lives kind of take over and we end up distractedly waving at each other across the internet instead of really interacting. It happens, but I don't think it's permanent.

    For what it's worth, I don't think you have anything to be insecure about. You're an established blogger and you've worked hard, with a lot to show for it. You have industry contact and a press pass to an industry event! And what about your Books Change Lives project? You are awesome and have done amazing work. AND your 2nd blogoversary is coming up! These are things to be excited about. :D

    This kind of insecurity happens to everyone. I just had a go with it a couple weeks ago. Twitter can definitely exacerbate the problem - sometimes it seems like everyone has all these inside jokes and I just don't get it.

    I'm sorry if this comment is long and rambly - these are things I've been thinking of lately. I hope you figure out whatever it is you need to help you feel better. BEA is coming soon and I can't wait to meet you!

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    1. *hugs*

      Mine started before the winter even happened, which is why I've just been running in circles like a chicken without a head.

      "distractedly waving at each other across the Internet" YES! So right. Like...perfectly spot on description!

      I was really proud of BCL! They are things to be excited about but I just try to celebrate and have fun and nobody likes to do that unless I do a giveaway which hello...broke college student can't afford .-. Even though I really want to.

      YES to the twitter thing. Just YES x4

      I love long and rambly comments <3 It's very fair I'm gifted with someone to take the time to write one so they're my favorite kind of comments ;)

      I CANT WAIT TO MEET YOU EITHER!!!! <3

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  2. I think every blogger feels this way at some point. I am sorry that you are feeling this way now. Your blog is wonderful. I love the discussions here (even though I am not as good about stopping by as I should be).

    The numbers for a blogger are always there, sometimes they suck and sometimes they don't. I have begun to tell myself that when I started blogging it was for me and it still is, it is great when you are appreciated and the numbers reflect that but really -- why care? If your blog can make you happy when you don't think about stats, keep it up eventually things will pick back up. If it doesn't and it is a bother, take some time off and see how things go while not blogging.

    And BEA!!!! Come on! Greatest place on earth, I am missing out this year but I cannot wait to see/hear how it goes vicariously through bloggers like you!

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    1. I'm sure a lot of bloggers do, but for some reason I feel like everyone is so confident and they're going nowhere but up and I'm just like...a snail. Or a sloth, I'm not easily stepped on so I'm more of a sloth ;)

      Thank you! I've really been trying to have some new and good discussion posts recently!

      It's not really the numbers that is upsetting me, it's the last of noticeable response. You know...people who want more! Who enjoy my content! I'm sure there are people (you for example!) but they tend to hide as if they're scared to interact on me. It totally knocks a blogger's ego down a few pegs and makes them question their validity, you know?

      OH GOSH! I AM SO EXCITED TO PUT TOGETHER A RECAP POST BECAUSE OF MY PRESS BADGE! LIKE AHHHH!!! <3

      Thank you! <3 I've seen you around my blog popping up every now and then for well over a year as Gorelenore and I'm so happy you've stuck with me!

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  3. Hey--I read your blog all the time. I think it's just life--it's so damn busy for everyone. And the internet is so big and I could wander around it all day long and get nothing done. So some days I have to pick and choose where I can spend my writing time and comments don't make it into my day. I often opt for three boys worth of dirty laundry instead--good times LOL! And authors feel the same way--believe me. Some days it feels as if I'm invisible and then you blog something and BAM! Hang in there, know your blog rocks and that I'm sending (((((hugs))))) And make sure you give yourself some flexibility to just be in college. At the end of the day--blogs are not as important as people. So take care of you. <3

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    1. Life is busy and it sucks! One thing I miss about high school is not being a grown up haha

      Oh boy, my parents made me learn how to do my own laundry at age 10. I hated it in the moment but it's a parenting style that I totally plan on introducing to my own kids haha

      *hugs* Thank you so much, Kimberly.

      Not at all, my best friends here are my life. And they're totally supportive of me and my blog. They laugh when I don't get a post up for a few days because they know I'm spending too much time (in the best possible way) with them. They're my world <3

      I'll definitely keep this comment in mind in the future!

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  4. I would say just to take a few days off- just a few to clear your head,relax a little.. I'm thinking people might I got hit by the spring bug and wants to be outside doing more or something.. I know time is always an issue- there is just never enough time in a day to do everything..
    I have been following your blog for awhile and I'm still here reading whatever you post!!!!
    Have fun at the BEA!!!!

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    1. Awww thank you so much for taking the time to comment, Sarah! <3 I don't see you around often so it's greatly appreciated to know I have such a loyal reader!

      And I sure as hell plan to!

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  5. You've heard pretty much everything I can offer, so here's another hug and another <3. No matter what you choose to do, you'll be just fine. :)

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    1. Even the simplest bits of advice can mean a lot! <3 Thank you so much, Shae!

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  6. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now Lili. It sucks when the things that used to excite you don't anymore. I hope you can figure things out and find your passion again. :)

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  7. Lili;
    It happens, i feel pretty much the same way you do. I dont think it is the spring bug just more a different set of readers. More readers and not that many commentors.
    Ive taken a short break from blogging because of college this semester and sometimes i dont feel like i am missed.

    Take a short break and post what you want to and I promise i will stop by and comment more. I do enjoy your posts and a lot of your book reviews i take into account when building my TBR Fortress.

    Hope BEA is a blast, Im saving up to go in 2015. Maybe I will see you then.

    Ashley

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    1. Hmmm I like that thought...a new generation of readers shifting from the old who used to comment more. Great theory!

      I'm sorry you chose to take a break :( This semester's been very kind to me oddly enough, which makes me happy.

      I think I may. Many people have suggested doing such a thing and it seems like it may refresh my love of blogging.

      You don't have to feel forced into commenting more, Ashley! The point of this post was to get my thoughts out, so it if you want to comment, more comment more and now it's greatly appreciated!

      TBR Fortress...I like it and may have to steal the terminology.

      Unless an asteroid strikes my home, I will be at BEA 2015! ;) Looking forward to meeting you in 13 months!

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  8. Hi lili,

    I was never a "big " blogger and I'm finally learning that I blog for the fun of it. I remember when I began in 2011 I commented a lot and interacted actively.

    What I'm trying to say is that you have a great blog and write amazing posts. I still have insecurity problems in real life and blogging wise . I hope you have a great time at BEA

    Have a great weeknd ^^

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    1. Hello Roro,

      It's good to interact! I've been trying to comment on other people's blogs more often myself.

      Thank you so much <3

      You as well!

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  9. I think what I love the most about this post is how I can also relate to it, even though I'm a newer blogger. As a newer blogger I'm struggling with finding out how exactly I fit into the book blogging community, and it's impacting how much I'm blogging. I'm reading a lot, but after I finish a book I'm never in the mood to put up a review. To try and fix that I've made up my own "memes" of sort, to try and battle my reviewing slump, but I'm still very insecure about what I post and how many views and comments each post is getting. I've been in an awful non blogging slump which I'm blaming on the fact that I'm graduating from high school soon and I have an awful case of senioritis. Hopefully as the summer approaches I'll be able to solidify how I feel about blogging of such, and I hope you figure out how to handle your insecurities! :)

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    1. Thank you Marisa! Senioritis totally made me take a small break from my blog too, I was just lucky enough to plan ahead for such a thing! The summer and it's beautiful weather cured me of senioritis and it'll cure you too, I'm sure!

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    2. Late to the dance here, but I read your blog a lot too. And not just when you're talking about my stuff. I read a ton of blogs, but probably don't comment as often as I should ;-) Hope you're feeling better.

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  10. I feel insecurities in another way, I feel like life has become beyond busy for me lately. Planning a wedding, moving, and work. I sucked at reviews and comments this past month, hence my long day in finally posting on some great bloggers posts :) I don't want my coblogger to carry too much of the blog on her shoulders and I don't want other bloggers to not feel like I read their posts! SO do know, I read your blog and enjoy your posts :)

    Nicole and I are headed to BEA too :)

    Ashley @ The Quiet Concert

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  11. :( I'm sorry you feel that way. I just found out about your blog a few weeks ago, so I'm still a newbie. Hi!!!! I hope you feel better about blogging. I love your blog! It's so pretty, and I love the college blogging 101 section. I hope you enjoy BEA! :D

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