This is just one of those posts that I am writing for the sake of brutal honesty.
I am freaking homesick. I miss New York City so badly. I'm not one for homesickness, but I've begun to think of NYC as my home, so not living there is killing me. Having all of my friends based in the five boroughs and me in a completely different state is hard.
Sure, I am in NYC every weekday, but it's not the same. I am either in class, or working, or interning all day and then I maybe have 2-3 hours at the end of the day before I have to sprint to catch a train at an hour where my parents will still be awake to be able to pick me up from the train station. So I am spending that with people typically grabbing dinner or at a signing instead of just wandering the city that I love.
And I keep reminding myself that I am commuting for the purpose of being able to go abroad in the spring, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
It's hard to see people on the weekends when a grand whopping total of a mere ten trains come through town. It's hard to not be able to do spur of the moment plans, or to be able to say yes to something without having found a place to crash first.
Yet there are so many positives to commuting...I am out of dorming, which is just not meant for me. I can room with people fine, but it's so hard to be stuck in the same physical room as someone with no walls offering any privacy. I have a space that is 100% my own at my Dad's house. I'm spending more time with my family than I have in the past 2+ years. I get to come home to a cat everyday. More homecooked meals. I am saving a ridiculous amount of money.
But there's more exhaustion from the commute, cat hair everywhere, a lack of feeling properly independent, and me missing my friends like crazy. And the city. One of my favorite things to do is to just be alone in the city, and I can't do that anymore right now. I think the homesickness is just wiping me out right now.
I feel like I have no energy to read or do anything but watch tv because I am so tired from the commute and just missing NYC. And I'm sure it's something that I'll get over soon. It's 2 weeks into the semester, so the honeymoon stage is over and I am feeling the loss and craziness so to speak. But, damn, this sucks. A lot.
I am not cut out for suburbia...at all. I need the city to just feel whole.