But I am GASSED OUT.
I am so happy with where I'm currently at in life. About to graduate, coming home to a new kitten, facing down the fact that my future is upon me, and temporarily working for a place I really love. But I'm forgetting about my self care sometimes. You know, doing things for me and not for others or for my education.
My thesis, my terrible group in one of my classes, my seemingly never-ending pile of homework, the whole shit-I-have-to-figure-out-where-to-begin-my-future-now moment, the expectations pushed upon me by my peers that echo constantly in the back of my mind are taking over my life. It's driving me insane. I go to bed exhausted, wake up a few hours later ready to fall over, but somehow drag myself out of bed anyway. You know, I like the people I get to see three days a week at school, I enjoy some of my classes even though I hate one with a fiery passion, I love my internship and the second family I didn't expect to make but value so much at Tor.
So. Many. Emotions. It's that point in the semester where I just slowly go insane because everything is happening at once. All stressors are a go.
The crazy part is that I know I'm not alone. Literally, this happens to all of my friends every year because of the stresses of college and the expectations that come with being a top 100 student at my university, but it just hits me out of nowhere every time. I'm exhausted. Emotionally, mentally.
I'm sad to say goodbye to college because this was a hugely important part of my life. But I am so ready to leave it behind.
Until then, I just need to be more aware of myself in the coming weeks. I need to read more, because it calms me. I need Star Wars movie days. I need to go to the movies with my best friend wearing Harry Potter gear. I need to figure out how to train my kitten to enjoy beds more than coffee tables. I have to blast 90s music and dance around my room like nobody's watching. I need to go to one of those trampoline places where you run full force into a wall and just bounce off until you hit another wall. I need to order Mexican food when I feel like it instead of worrying about cash. And I need to bring home a bottle of wine or two and stuff my face with cheese because I've earned it. Hit up a happy hour here or there, wander the streets of New York City at night, see more Broadway shows, discuss life with my most unlikely yet valued friends, beg almighty powers to give me Hamilton tickets, buy my first ugly holiday sweater, finally unearth the last few hidden British Cadbury bars I've been saving from London until I decided I really needed them.
44 days. I'll get through it.